Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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