We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
