thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Text me some of your sweat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
