You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize