She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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