Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I AM VODKA MAN
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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