big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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