Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize