Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
