This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
