party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I am morally bankrupt
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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