dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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