Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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