I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
