oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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