dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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