Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize