I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
