Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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