she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
