dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
