how can u be prego again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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