His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
