Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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