You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
