Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
