I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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