sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
