Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
