Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
