oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
