I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
