Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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