Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
