Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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