This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
