OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
