He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
