sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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