Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
