OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
