I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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