You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize