Whod you bang
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
