I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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