Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
