dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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