at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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