I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
