I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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