brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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