okay pat passed out under dana's car
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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