i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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