I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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