Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
