so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
