and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
