names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
