Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
