How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
