i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone came in the potted fern
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
