Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
