why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
