Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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