Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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