he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
