It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
